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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 1:22 am 
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Mitth_raw_nuruodo wrote:
An 'American' accent isn't what you really need... You actually want one of the Three Stooges. I'm fairly certain it's the bigger one...his name escapes me at the moment...
i do belive you meen curl nyunk nyunk


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:29 am 
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New Company Policy

Effective immediately!!!

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $305 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not neeed a raise. If you Dress in-between you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employees here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each Employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows:Jan. 1, July 4, and Dec. 25

ABSENSE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:

In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go From 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employee's supervisers must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company builletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 for lunch to get a balancing meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

************************************************************

Thank for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a postive employment experience. Therefore, all questions. comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insuations, allegations, accusations, complentations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 10:00 am 
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:lol: :lol: That is brilliant E.

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 1:26 pm 
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Mad78 wrote:
:lol: :lol: That is brilliant E.
land on floor laughs :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 7:33 pm 
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Frankenthread lives!

This one's a bit naughty, so nobody under thirteen gets to read it; you've been warned!

A woman with no arms and no legs lives on the beach, and every day she sees an attractive young man run by her on the beach. One day she starts to cry, and he jogs over to her.

"What's wrong?" he asks, and she says, "I've never been held before!"

Being a generous, kind fellow, he takes her in his arms and holds her. She is happy.

The next day she sees him going by once more, and decides to try the same tactic, crying once more. He returns and, mildly annoyed, asks why she is crying. She replies, "I've never been kissed."

He makes to leave, but she sobs harder, so he kisses her to make her feel better.

Flush with success, on the third day, the woman sobs once more. Now very annoyed, the man jogs up to her and asks, "Now what's wrong?"

She replies, "I've never been * before."

He nods sympathetically, takes her in his arms, and walks out to the ocean, throwing her into the deep water and yelling, "There! Now you're *!"

Horrible, yes, but I'll be damned if it ain't funny!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:04 pm 
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I'll admit that that caused a chuckle out of me. I was never good at jokes. Im more a "say random stuff" person.

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:48 pm 
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*Blows off dust* And now a really painful physics joke! If you don't know your units, I suggest that you look them up, or else you'll feel foolish.

Work, Power, and Energy are walking along when suddenly a masked assailant leaps out and attacks Energy. He runs off a moment later, but all three fall to the ground in agony.

"Hey!" yells Energy. "Why are you two crying? I'm the one he hit!"

"Are you kidding?" Power shoots back. "We just got kicked in the Joules!"

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 5:24 am 
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Possibly one of the worst jokes i ever heard.

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 3:41 pm 
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No more, Tofu. You fail at life.

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:31 pm 
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Mitth_raw_nuruodo wrote:
No more, Tofu. You fail at life.


Thats just a tad bitch harsh. He fails at some aspects of life, but not life in general. Give the guy SOME credit.

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 11:58 pm 
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Oh, come on Rob. Everyone on here that knows me knows I don't mean half the sh!t that comes out of my mouth, or in this case, the things I type.

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:21 am 
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Hey, I was just making my own bit of Tofu-busting. I have absolutely no problem with what you said.

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:27 pm 
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Gee, thanks. Just for that, I give you some more corny physics jokes!

Power and Work catch up to the guy who hit Energy later and corner him.
"The hell did you do that for?" They ask him.
"Sorry. Just impulse, I guess."

A fellow is walking along when he notices a large number of resistors in his friends yard. He knocks on his friend's door and says, "Hey, you have a bunch of resistors in your yard!"
"Yeah, I know," says his friend. "I've taken a liking to garden Ohms."

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:21 pm 
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This is why I don't visit these forums much these days - such terrible posts :lol: :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:26 pm 
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Oh, but Krytos, you can't hold Tofu against the rest of us.

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