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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 10:12 pm 
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http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_j ... e_id=11058

>.< Quite possibly the best joke I've found on there...

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 8:04 am 
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Location: Death Stars are out at night, big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.
I've heard that one a long time ago Tofu, but decorum kept me from posting it here. I should have known it would be posted somewhere on the internet, AND that you would find it. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 8:00 pm 
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Fifty Fun Things To Do In An Elevator:


1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of ''It's a Small World'' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you''re on rough seas.
7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you, "Admiral".
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now. Damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious literature to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You''re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "Mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and make it talk to the other passengers.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do," and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space".
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"

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12/14/07
Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la
Not gone, merely marching far away


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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:52 am 
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1. and 10. are the best LOL
thanks


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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:13 pm 
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You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way
and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer: Get your drunk @$$ off the Merry-Go-Round!

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Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la
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 Post subject: Re: joke
PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 5:15 am 
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:lol: :lol: :lol: Great one Tofu!

A guy says to a girl
"Ever had magic sex?"
"Whats that?" she answers
"We have sex and then you disappear."

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